Not a happy camper

I am, as I write this, not a happy camper. For a million reasons I guess. I am angry at myself first and foremost. I am angry that I am even angry in the first place. My first real mistake is thinking that just cause people are old, they are grown up. I mean fuck, my own life should be a clue that thats not true. 6 or 65 people are subject to temper tantrums. I am too I suppose. I am fighing wars on many fronts, and thats a surefire way to lose a lot of wars. Just ask our soon to be erstwhile President. In many ways I have grown up, and in some I am still a child. But I am not alone in this way. Now child -like is good. Its never a good idea to become so adult that we lose the joy in our life. And I know people who are this way. But childish isnt good. We, and when I say we, I include myself, becuase I am as guilty as anyone, cant admit we are wrong. And one of the truest or all the true-isms out there is Pride goeth before the fall. I mean how hard is it to look at someone we care about and say I was wrong..Im sorry, and just move the hell on? But we dont. We hem and haw and obfuscate and deny guilt. But there is another side of the coin to this little 2 act play. How hard is it to appreciate the effort someone puts into an apology and forgive them? And not gloat? And think we have the upper hand? Well, my cousin is pissed at me again. Now all of you know the last time she got pissed I had to kiss her ass. It was easier because I understood how she could have gotten upset. So I was the bigger person, ( and lord knows its easier to be bigger when someone holds your financial existance in their hands. ) and said I was sorry. This time I did no wrong committed no crime, other than being smarter than her and saying I did not agree with her. Thats all I said .Fin. End of conversation. If she is embarassed, or feels put off because I am right and she is wrong I dont know, because..drumroll please...she isnt talking to me. But this time I am not apologizing..paycheck be dammed. She is acting like a 9 year old who had her pig tails dunked in the inkwell. If it puts a damper on my purpose here, then so be it. It will be her loss. I will admit my wrongs and I have and those who have been wronged know I have. Its never easy. But when you understand that life isnt about getting an upper hand, but co-existing on a level plane, it becomes palatable. And if you arent capable of seeing this..well then I have no use for you. So if someone wants to send this post to my cousin, go ahead. To quote a talented but scuzzy rock and roll chick " Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose " I came to Alaska with pure intentions, but I will not sacrafice whats left of my self respect and dignity. Most of that is already gone anyway.