Everything old is really really older again

Well I bought a vehicle. A 1990 Nissan Mini Pick up with 313000 miles on it. It is, to be gentle a rattle trap, but I love it. Cost me 200 bucks. It starts and has heat. What else could you want?
No radio no lights on the dashboard doesnt lock but it is mine and it gives me freedom. I can come and go as I please for now, and I say for now cause who knows how long it will run for. My first car was a 1974 Dodge Dart about 6000 years ago. I loved that car too. This car represents a different kind of re-birth for me. I dont want to make too much of it, but having your own wheels is the difference between prison and life. Ive had it a week now so it is paying for itself each day it starts. Id be happier but there is a hole in my life and it doesnt look like it will be filled anytime soon. Oh well..maybe one day. Only time will tell

Language Lessons

That title is for a dear dear friend. I hope they get the reference...

Anyhoo I hate dentists. Ater 3000 years they have not progressed past the drill and fill...hack and whack techniques that Gorg the caveman had to endure from Dr Flump the Pre-Historic Dentist.

Life is up and down. I put my head down and drive through the day. You know who makes it difficult to not get bloodied, but somedays the blows arent as bad as others. My toothache being what it is, I wish I could take a pill to make her go away.

Oh..and if all my buds down there would pass the hat for me..I NEED A CAR not expecting anything, but I am puting it out there in the Universe and see what the fuck happens.

Bad news from the world of finance. Due to the overall economic downturn Target has postponed plans to build their Fairbanks location by 18 months. Oh The Humanity!!!!!

This Just In.......

I am in no way shape or form...perfect. I fuck up I smile laugh cry shit swear . I am also a fairly intelligent observant and hard working Accountant. I am not a recent grad of the Sally Struthers Coorespondence School where one can obtain a bartenders licence or become a certified refrigerator repair man. So living up to expectations of perfection, and then being treated like a Devry drop-out when I fail is getting on my nerves. I may be repeating myself, but I want to do a job. I want to go home thinking I contributed to another sucessful day. I DO NOT require constant praise from anyone. I know when I do right and when I fuck up. Having been a number jockey for almost 29 years now I can tell the difference. What I also do not seek are passive agressive side comments about things my employer perceives as my weaknesses. While I do work everyday, I dont work more than 8 hours if I dont have to. My employer expressed surprise when I told her I get eye weary after 8 hours in front of a comouter. Imagine That!!!!
I get eye wearly after 8 hours. WTF is wrong with me? In truth, she creates such a toxic work environment that I look to skee-daddle as soon as I can. But how do you tell someone that? Answer: You don't.

Fear of the fear of the fear of the unknown

We all have loved ones friends family whatever, and we know learn what their hot buttons are. Then when they go balistic on us a few dozen times we know what to avoid to lessen the ugliness of the future. I work for a woman who has about 35,000 different moods and just when you think you have done a good job..followed her convoluted directions to a T or done something so innocent that no one could object, she lowers the BOOM on you. So not only are you blindsided, but when you are filling out the emotional accident report, you dont even know how to fill in the
" Cause of Accident " line. What ensues is an environment where you are fearful of saying ANYTHING about ANYTHING around her, because who knows what direction the brick is comming from. It stifles creativity free and free thinking. Now anyone who knows me knows I have lots of ideas and like to share them..good or bad. I have taken that part of me and burried it for the time being. Innocent questions generate snarky defensive answers. Suggestions about improving things dont illicit a " Wow, that might work " response, but a " What was wrong with the way we were doing it " suspicious answer. So I go to work..do as I am told and shut the fuck up. It is so not who I am, but I need the money, and thats is the way it is. I am not changing my ways in general..just in the office.

Its all the same I guess

Well we are having a heat wave ( 30 above for today's high ) I know from watching TV that you guys are having the coldest winter in 8 years. So no matter where you are..driving down the Dan Ryan, the Stemmons Freeway, or the Richardson cold is cold..

Anyway, things are going as expected. I work alot, I am very lonely, but life rolls on. I am looking forward to this winter thaw, if only to get outside and see where I really live. Perhaps I will meet some people, be less lonely and become for comfortable in my own skin. Right now I feel like an unwanted houseguest. I have little in the way of things to call my own, and I miss my friends and family. While none of these things surprise me, I guess the intensity of the feelings can be a bit overwhelming at times.

What can I say?

First, my humblest apologies for not posting more often. I know how many of you depend on my words to get through the day. Second, remember wayyyyyyyyyyyyy back when I started this thing I said I was going to refrain from bitching about the weather? Well as we extend into our 14th consecutive day of 40 below, I just have to say FUCK ITS COLD. Your nostrils freeze, your thighs burn and you fight for breath. Not exactly cozy winter conditions. Anyway, the job continues to be a rollercoaster. But when you work for Satan's Mother-in-law that can happen.

The overall situation is also a mixed bag. The people are nice, there are ample choices for grocery shopping and a few mini-marts. When the ice fog lifts ( yes we have fog ) the mountains are scenic and its an easy town to navigate in. I miss my loved ones very much, and the nights are cold and lonely. With no car its hard to meet people, so you can see my dliemna. Things should get better as we get more daylight. We gain 4-5 minuts each day. And also some sunshine wouldnt make me mad. Random Thought: I think I hear a pug barking.

Anyway, I will try to post more often. And thank the universe you dont have to deal with 40 below temps